Suffering From ‘Telling Others What To Do’….?

Most people are constantly giving advice to others on how they should behave in certain contexts.

Often this is preceded by some kind of criticism. “You are doing that again, can’t you ever get it right?” or something like that.

It seems that this very common approach never achieves the desired effect.

In my experience, telling people what to do just makes them defensive and they don’t change when they are defensive.  Is your experience any different?

Are you normally on the sending, receiving, or both ends of this? This incredibly common way of operating, with its incredibly low rate of success, is one of the main causes of conflict as well as deteriorating relationships in our society.

If we want to start an argument, all we need to do is start telling other people what they think, how they feel or what to do.

On the other hand, when we want to effectively change behaviour, or create peace in our self and our environment, it is time for a new approach.

Einstein’s quote that doing the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of insanity, is well known. And so here we are, with our ability to apply this notion to a very common linguistic habit pattern.

It has been said, most clearly, in my opinion, by Debbie Ford in her book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers (1998) that our dark emotions all arise from a self-criticism in our own character. That is to say, if we can spot it (a problem), then we’ve got it (that problem). In the end, the most important thing that we really have power over is our self.

To take this one step further ahead, when we are thinking about how someone else should be changing, there is some aspect of that issue within us where that issue exists, did exist, or could exist. So the greatest way for us to resolve this issue is to heal this issue in our self. When we can find a higher truth for us on this issue, it will normally cease creating an emotional rise when we see it in others.  This can also create a shift in the other person.

The root cause of telling other people what to do, in my opinion, is about giving up on bettering our self. All of nature, including us, is designed for growth. Since most of us don’t learn how to better our selves when we are young, we translate this desire into trying to improve others and we attempt to improve our environments by buying things or completing projects.

The solution is to learn to better ourselves, and in so doing, we can eliminate the wasteful practice of telling others what to do and heal our own issues. Happy days will result from this initiative to be sure.

If you would love to end all the fighting around you, or work to heal your own hurts, just click on this link to set up a free and very helpful consultation with us that can really make a difference for you. There is never any pressure on these calls and we will be more than happy to answer any questions you may have.  Just click here to book a time, or if the links are not working, here is the address in the clear so you can copy and paste in your browser address bar.  http://calendly.com/stephen-3/15min